You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
