I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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