Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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