I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
