Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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