I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
