Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
