rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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