Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
