this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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