lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
