the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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