Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
