Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
