I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
