Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
