i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
