Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
