remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Randomize
