I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
