Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
