At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
