doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
