I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up under a house in Key West
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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