i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
