Nicole vs. Life
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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