the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
