you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh god it's open bar.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
