I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If that was your dad, he is hot
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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