Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
