We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
