first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
