I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
