I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Fuck appropriateness.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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