Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
