this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well I just put wine in my tea
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
