I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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