so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
