you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
