People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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