Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
