i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
