Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You ruined the universe
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
