I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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