i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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