hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Still dying that you shit outside
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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