ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
