Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
