Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
