You just made me feel so damn special
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
