Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
